Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish you could order shots online.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
