yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
