Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
