We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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