my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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