hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the liver wants what the liver wants
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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