Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
