It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
