That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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