so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
