I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
