My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
