My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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