I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
