Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
