No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
