Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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