I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
