Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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