Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
