he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
