You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
