here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
