Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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