I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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