I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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