I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
