I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
