I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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