I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
