Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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