i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
