I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
