She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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