Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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