I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
