if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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