so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
