I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
