Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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