Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
