i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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