Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
