I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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