i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
