Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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