i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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