i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
