remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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