If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
