my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
