dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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