woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
